Ninja Quotes
by 6tailedninja
Summary: Numerous quotes done by various Naruto characters.Rated T for mild language. I hope you enjoy.


Ninja Quotes

By: 6tailedninja

Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings

///

" Well, Naruto seems to like my humping."

_[Sakura gives a stagnant pause]_

" What did you say?"

" Naruto. Humped him for two hours yesterday. And he just laid there and took it."

" Did he?"

" Yeah. Now, every time you're sleeping with him, he's gonna be thinking of me."

[Hinata talking to Sakura about Naruto]

"Why are you painting the fire hydrant?"

"I'm remodeling the bathroom."

[Hinata asking Kiba about the fire hydrant]

"Are you a masochist?"

"No, why do you ask?"

"Just wondering."

[Tobi and Pein's first time meeting]

"Drop dead."

"I tried that once, it didn't work."

[Kakuzu and Hidan's first conversation

"You look like Lou Ferrigno's poop."

[Tenten to Rock Lee]

"Fetch boy!"

[Hinata and Kiba]

"Shit, I won the lottery."

[Tsunade]

"I hate snakes, Naruto. I HATE 'EM!"

[Sasuke at his therapy session]

"Sand Village means a whale's vagina."

[Gaara]

"For the last f*cking time, I am not a flat chested, blind woman!"

[Neji]

"Do the truffle shuffle!"

"Oh come on guys don't make me do the truffle shuffle."

[Shikamaru and Choji]

"I eat babies."

[Itachi]

"I. WANT. MY. DOLLY!"

[Sasori]

"Hey there little boy, want to suck on a popsicle?"

[Pedo…Orochimaru]

"Oh man, oh man, oh man, I need to pee. Where the closest fire hydrant?"

[Kiba]

"I did not have sexual relations with that woman."

[Jiraiya]

"My worst fear used to be my mom, now it Temari."

[Shikamaru]

"Hear Kisame have some shark fin soup."

"Mommy! You bastard! Wasn't your own family enough for you!"

[Itachi cooked dinner for Kisame]

"I'm a boy, or am I?"

[Haku]

"I will kill the next girl I see."

"But if I do that it will make me sad."

[Jugo]

"What's your favorite song?"

"Eye of the Uchiha."

[Kakashi at an interview]

"Why make trillions when we can make billions?"

[Kakuzu]

"Mini-Me, are you hungry? Something to eat? Not even a Hot Pocket? An Eggo?"

[Might Guy offering Rock Lee food]

"Ow! You shot me, you a-hole!"

[Hidan]

"I want my baby-back, baby-back, baby-back, baby-back ribs. I want my baby-back, baby-back, baby-back, baby-back, baby-back, baby-back ribs. _Chili's_ baby-back ribs."

[Akamichi family song]

**Jiraiya**: Who sent you?!

**Rain Ninja**: You'll have to kill me.

**Jiraiya**: Who sent you?!

**Rain Ninja**: Kiss my ass, Sannin!

**Jiraiya**: Who sent you?!

**Rain Ninja**: Pein!

**Gamagero**: That was easy.

**Jiraiya**: That _was_ easy.

**Gamagero**: Why did you tell us?

**Rain Ninja**: I can't stand to be asked the same question 3 times. It just irritates me.

**Jiraiya**: Where is Pein hiding?

**Rain Ninja**: Why would he tell me? I'm just one of his low-level functionaries.

**Jiraiya**: Where is Pein hiding?

**Rain Ninja**: You'll have to torture me. I'll never tell you.

**Jiraiya**: _(quickly)_ Where's Pein hiding?!

**Rain Ninja**: Damn! 3 times! He's hiding in the secret volcano lair.

**Jiraiya**: Where is Pein's secret volcano lair?

**Rain Ninja**: _(spits)_ I spit at the question.

**Jiraiya**: Do I really have to ask you 2 more times?

**Rain Ninja**: Go to hell, Powers.

**Jiraiya**: Fine. Where is Pein's secret...volcano...lair?

**Rain Ninja**: I will take it to the grave with me.

**Gamagero**: A-ha! You have to answer. He asked you 3 times.

**Rain Ninja**: No-no-no! The second question was: "Do I really have to ask you 2 more times?", so that would be the first question in a new line of questioning, and wouldn't count in the other line of questioning.

**Jiraiya**: He's right.

"Ow! You shot me, you a-hole!"

[Shikamaru]

**Pein:** Before you do that--ow-- _[stands up and in a deep voice]_ Know this. _[pause]_ Austin. _[Heavy, __Darth Vader__ style breathing/voice]_ I am your father.

**Naruto**: Really?

**Pein**: _[normal voice]_ No, not really. I can't back that up.

**Black-Cloaked Man (Apparently a member of the Akatsuki)**: What are you, some kinda freak?!

**Naruto**: [stands up] Shut up, you _(bleep)_!

**Minato** OK, come on.

**Cloaked Man**: [stands up, too] I'll kick your _(bleep)_, punk.

**Naruto**: Bring it on, you skanky _(bleep)_!

**Minato**: No one talks to my son like that. It's okay, Scott. (to man with white hood) You mother_(bleep)_! (stands up and attacks the hooded man)

_(the audience goes wild, as well as numerous bleeps, Jerry's bodyguards try to stop the fight)_:

**Minato** (yells at the hooded man) You were born in your mother's _(bleep)_!

**Audience**: _(chant)_ Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

[The Namikaze family goes to Jerry Springer]

[Spaceballs are literally combing the desert]

**Pein:** Sir.

**Madara:** [about to use the bullhorn to the workers uses it on Pein instead] What?

**Pein:** Are we being too literal?

**Madara**: [through the bullhorn] No you fool, we're following orders, we were told to comb the desert, so we're combing it! [puts down bullhorn] Find anything yet?

**Deidra**: Nothing yet, sir.

**Madara**: How about you?

**Sasori:** Not a thing sir!

[camera pans to two soldiers using an Afro Pick ]

**Madara:** What about you guys?

**Hidan**: We ain't found shit!

[Akatsuki looking for Gaara

"Excuse me. I'm trying to conduct a wedding here which has nothing to do with love. Please be quiet!"

[A priest to a complaining Shikamaru]

"It's my industrial-strength hair-dryer, and I can't live without it!

[Ino]

"**I HATE YOU!"**

[Sasuke to Sakura]

"You were my brother, Sasuke. I loved you!"

[Itachi]

"So uncivilized..."

[Kisame]

"Unicycles are all we drive."

[Naruto thinks he's smart]

**Jiraiya:** You have learned much, young one.

**Naruto**: You'll find I'm full of surprises.

[Naruto upon coming badass]

"No. _I_ am your father."

[Darth Vader]

"Strike me down with your hate and claim your refund!"

[Kakuzu has problems at Wal-Mart]

"I sense a disturbance in the store...."

[Ino see's Sakura in her flower shop]

"Your baby is ugly!"

[Kurenai no longer like Naruto]

"RACCOON!!!!"

[Naruto after he sees Shukaku for the first time]

"You cannot win, Pein. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine."

[Jiraiya's famous last words]

"No, I'm alrigh- AH! OH GOD!!"

[Hidan's famous last words]

"Naruto...there is another...U...zu...ma...ki…"

[Kakashi's famous last words]

"Then you will lose."

[Orochimaru's famous last words]

"But... it was so artistically done."

[Tobi commenting on Deidra's famous death]

"How old are you?"

"16."

"18? That's good enough for me!"

[Jiraiya and some poor girl]

"Yes I may be naked and reeking of panda love, but at least I still have my dignity."

[Neji]

"Nobody makes me bleed my own blood. NOBODY!"

[Gaara]

"Naruto, I won't lie to you. It was me who raped you in your sleep."

[Hinata confessing her love for Naruto]

"Where are you going Naruto?"

"Sakura I don't want to lie to you."

"Aah."

"Well, good-bye!"

[Such a smooth talker]

///

Well that's all for now. You may have notice that some of these quotes are modified movie, Family Guy, and the Simpsons quotes. In fact all but two or three are. Anyways I hope they have brought you laughter and joy

6tail out


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